Live
by Aizou Reikon
Summary: They left for a bit and it ruined Tsuna. Tsuna has lost the most important things in his life. Being Vongola and taking care of a baby can he do it or will the sorrow be too much. EveryonexTsuna Yaoi
1. They left

_**"We'll be gone for a few weeks." That's how it started. My Famiglia was going to Italy. My mother and I would be staying here. My beautiful wonderful mother was the only person I would see for about a month or so. My dad had come to get my family. Now that Mukuro was out and Chrome had real organs we were all complete.**_

_**Over the time that we had come back from the future we had changed. I hadn't grown at all. Still the same 5ft2 I was since the beginning. Although I was way skinnier than any boy or girl I have to say it wasn't an ugly skinny. My curves had developed more deeply even though I was a hair grew to be really long and if I say so myself I found my eyes to be a bit bigger. So basicly saying I was a small person but that didn't bother me so much anymore just like being Vongola didn't bother me.**_

_**I knew that I wouldn't be able to change my future. I knew and accepted it. Even though some part of me deep in side wanted to yell and sream that I wasn't the Decimo that I was just a normal boy i knew I was wrong. Normal boys don't have baby tutors. Normal boys dodn't have really protective guardians. Normal boys don't have dads that are in the maifia. So as you can see I'm not normal at all and I love each and ever second of it.**_

_**Being able to meet so many new people. People that became important to me was something wonderful.**_

_**Looking at these people right now made my heart flutter. They had all changed so much. My precious people had changed so much and I glad.**_

_**Reborn who wasn't a baby any more but a teenager the same age as his guardians. He was tall just a bit more than Takeshi with those onyx black eyes that could suck your soul in. Those black tresses that were as dark as the night. His broad and hard body that would protect me and hug me while I'm sad or need protection from something.**_

_**Gokudera Hayato who was now about 6ft feet like Kyouya, Ryohei, Mukuro, Ken, and Chikusa. His silver hair that felt like satin was longer now that it reached a bit below his shoulders. His body now broader and harder from all the training he has been doing His emerald eyes seemed a darker color but were still so beautiful.**_

_**Yamamoto Takeshi was now about 6ft3. His skin tanner and his body was broader and harder from training. His dark tresses wilder, Those brown eyes became darker. His happy emotions calmer. He took things more serious now than ever.**_

_**Sasagawa Ryohei who was still extremely passionate about boxing but more about protecting Tsuna. His white tresses were a longer a bit more tamed. Dark silver eyes seemed of a lighter color. Body paler, broader and harder.**_

_**Hibari Kyouya had chnaged the most along side Mukuro. His dark black tresses longer that reached his shoulders. His steal dark gray eyes were darker. His body was broader and harder then before. His skin a nice pale. His day of bullying was over since now he only bullied the bad.**_

_**Rokudo Mukuro was now a free man. A man with a family to protect. A man that let his purple hair grow very long but a bit shorted than mine. A man that was not guilty of anything. His indigo eyes were a bit dark. His frame broader accompanied with a hard chest.**_

_**Colonnello, Fon, Mammon, Verde, Skull, and Lal Mirch were now normal teens. Colonnolle, Fon, and Mammon were so handsome with broad bodies and hard chests. Lal Mirch was a cute girl now that she was of normal height. She was as cute as Kyoko, Haru, and Chrome were with feminane figures**_

_**They had all changed even the Vaira and I was so happy about it. They had all come to trust me so much and that was the thing I cherished the most.**_

_**Before they left me they made it their job to spend as much time with me as possible. Like Kyoya taking me from classes so that I could be his pillow. Or Takeshi skipping baseball practice so that he could walk me home with Hayato. Even Mukuro who cam late at night to my house so that we could talk and then disappear.**_

_**I was really happy that they were trying to make the departer as light as possible on me but it made me feel selfish. I mean they all have a family and instead of spending time with them they were with my all the time. It made me also feel guilty at first that Reborn wasn't paying attention to Bianchi but then I found out as in she gloated to me that she was going to go with him. I mean was it me or was she trying to make me jealous but then why would she want to make me feel jealous.**_

_**Ok so I kind of admit that I have a crush on my Famiglia but its not like I was going to tell them anytime soon. I mean I'm Dame-Tsuna the most useless guy out there in the world.**_

_**The day had come when they had to leave but none of them left before placing soft kisses on my forehead. I really need to get use to them showing lots of affection towards me. Seeing them get on the plane kind of made me sad. They were going to leave me all alone for I don't know how long. I was going to be all alone not even Lambo would be here. I ignored the aching pain I felt in my chest as I moved away from the airport.**_


	2. Stares

_**It wasn't so bad. I mean shcool was so busy with the festival preperations that I didn't have time to miss them. And I wasn't as alone as I thought because Haru and Kyoko were still with me. They ahd turned into beautiful girls. Both with long hair and nice body figures. It was now so obvious as to why Oni-san always wanted to protect Kyoko from everyone. I mean even Hayato was being protective of Haru or may be he liked her.**_

_**My chest tightened at that particular thought. I mean it so simple for them to fall in love since they always fought. Wasn't there a saying that boys only pick on the girls they liked. Now that I think about it may be it was way to simple because they could have already fallen in love with each other since ever. My chest tightened even more on the grip that it had on my heart. Warm tears were blocking my vision but I refused to let them fall.**_

_**I was could only gasp as how I saw myself right now. Being so selfish that I would wish for my friends unhappiness. I was acting like a royal bitch. It's not my business if they fall in love. It's not my business if my guardians fall in love too. I can only wish for their happiness which I intend to do. Maybe when they get back I try to set them on a date even if it hurts me. Even if it hurts me so much that I would rather die I would do it. I want to see all of them happy. Because they disevered that and so much more, all of them do.**_

_**Four weeks had already past and the loneliness I felt wouldn't go away. We talked camera and chatted on the phone and by e-mail so I wasn't alone. I tried to get Hayato and the rest to tell me what girl they liked by dropping hints but they seemed not to get it or just didn't want to tell me. Is it that hard to say what you see in a girl I don't thinks so but may be it's cause I hang around lots of them that I understand them really well.**_

_**The festivals that I wanted to share with the rest had already past. Without them by my side things seemed so boring. Nothing ineresting to put my attention seemed so dull withou Takeshi's smile. Everything seemed so quiet without Hayato and Ryohei fighting. Or without Kyoya's and Mukuro's tense atmosphere. Even without Reborn's teasing everything just seemed so dead.**_

_**But I have to say that the eyes I felt on me all the time gave me the creeps. Those eyes that seemed to want to eat you up. Those kinds of stares that seemed to undress you that you feel really self-consious about yourself. Like if your so dirty or unpure. Those kinds of stares that aren't meent for little kids. Those eyes that started all this nightmare.**_


	3. Nightmare

I tried to pretend that those stares weren't real. That I was just making all of it up. That may be I got hit in the head way to much by reborn. But even though I wanted to say something I couldn't. I couldn't tell my guardians because than they would come back home quickly. That would really show how weak I was. I couldn't always confide in their powers; I needed to do this alone. And besides hearing them say they were having fun was something I couldn't ruin. I mean they might find a girlfriend and even though it pained me I would be really happy for them. They would have a reason for fighting now. And I most definitely couldn't tell my mother. She didn't know I was in the Mafia and I don't think I want her to know. She's better of not getting mixed up in all this.

Although I was having problems, I couldn't help but notice that my mother was becoming very pale. She was also getting a bit fatter. She just had a smalll bump on her stomach nothing dramaticly but that still made me worry. She was also way emotional now. I couldn't say anything now in fear that she would start to cry or that she would start to yell at me. My mom's hair was also getting longer. She didn't even go get it cut even though she doesn't like having long hair. So instead of making her do something, I cut it myself. If I do say so myself I caut her hair really good for being me. She was also eating way to much but I didn't say anything. Maybe she was just on her time of the month.

So basically I didn't have anyone to talk to. Even if I did tell them; my mom would just think I joking or was sick.

But these stares even if I tried to ignore them I couldn't. These stares were like a predator waiting for its prey to let its guard down. Not even Kyoya used these stares. That's how wicked these stares felt like. May be I was going crazy. May be I was going mental, and I could accept it. But these stares want me to know that I'm being watched. They wand to know that I know.

Today was the first time that I didn't feel like a deer caught in headlights. Today I could breath normally. Today I didn't feel like hurt prey, and that made me scaried. It was like saying that the person was bored. That the person was going to do something. Or may be I was just reading to much into the picture, but I couldn't help but feel anxious. The goosebumps I had on my arms were showing just how scaried I was.

Nothing happened in school today. Just the normal things. For the first time in a I felt like a normal person again. The person I was before I met Reborn and the rest.

While heading back home, I bumped into someone. My face collided with a hard chest. I really thought I was going to get a headache. Craning my neck I found dark blue eyes staring at me. A shiver ran down my spine. No, not from pleasure but from the same fear I have when I feel that I veing watched. Dark tresses framed his handsome face. He was a bit taller than Reborn. And he had really pale skin.

"I so sorry sir." I apoligized as fast as I could wanting to get away from him quickly. My Vongola intuition was on high alert warning me that this was not a guy to mess with. Was he part of the mafia as well. Did he come he to kill me. No, that can't be because no one knows I'm going to be Decimo that's outside the family and Dino's family.

"No I'm sorry." He said in a low husky voice. Was it me or was it really getting uncomfortable now. I could only stare as he mocked a bow and comtinued with giving me his name.

His name was Alessandro Alberto. Iy was Italian and for some reason without knowing I knew that he was a Mafioso. A boss that shouldn't be mess with. I bowed to him to and quickly left

While I walked away, I thought I had heard him call my name and say we would meet again. Turning around I found the place he had been now empty.

Mother was cooking when I got home. I went to my room and changed from my school uniform. I stared reading my book called SWEEP by Cate Tiernan. Later that night my mom called me down for dinner. It was really quiet without the little devils. I helped my mom wash and put away dishes.

When I returned to my room, I found that my window was open. I didn't pay much attention to it because I had thought that I had left it open. Really stupid. Turning around I came face to face with the man I met while coming home. I tried to scream, but he covered my mouth with his big hand.

I was carried down stairs to find my mother out cold on the sofa. I tried to wiggle out of his hold, but stopped quickly when I felt something hard press against me. I let out a small whimper.

This can't be happening I thought. No, this is just a dream. I thought that I would wake up soon, but that thought was squashed when another man hit my mother on the face to wake her up. My mom let out a cry and held her reddening cheek.

The man sat me on the couch and bitch slapped me. Tears threatened to come out, but I held them. It seemed to piss him off because he hit me harder. I tried to fight against him when I saw his friend ripping my mother's clothes off. My hands were soon tied together with something rough and silky cloth was shoved into my mouth.

I could only watch as this man's friend touched my fragile mother. i could only watch as he took her hard. Blood poured down her pale thighs. I wanted to throw up. My mother was trying to fight, but the man only went deeper or hit her.

When he finished, I gulped knowing it would be my turn. I fought and fought. I tried to wiggle away from him, but that only got me hurt. Blood was coming down my split lip and I knew that I would have ugly bruises tomorrow if I lived that long. He ripped away my sweat pants and big shirt. He looked at me with the same stare that I had always felt on my. At that time I knew it was him. This person had been stalking me since the beginning.

Without any preperations he entered me. As I cried out I could hear him moan out my name. He pushed in deep and then pulled out. He went deeper each time. Blood oozed down my tan tighs, but I didn't cry. The tears that had formed weren't falling. I wouldn't let them fall. He hit me harder than before. Looking at me; he started saying how much he loved me. How much he had wanted me. That I was his. He bit my neck. Breaking the skin with his sharp teeth. It had been long before they stopped.

While they changed, I looked at the messed up room. Theywanted it to look like a robbery, but whys since we could tell the police since we saw their faces it wouldn't be long before they were both in jail. The smirk on his face told me otherwise. He leaned down and kissed my cheek before whispering to me

"I know what your thinking and that won't happen. If you ever tell the police what happened I will kill each and every one of you loved ones starting with the three brats. You hear me." He kissed my bruised lips before leaning back. He stood up and with a smile he left, but without first leaving a message. "I'll be seeing you again my beloved. We'll do it again so you don't have to worry."

I stayed like that for a few seconds before I heard my mother cry. I looked at her and a pang hit me in the chest. She was crying so hard it hurt. I untied myself and out the cloth. I crawled to her knowing that my legs wouldn't work. My mother had lost a lot of blood. I looked around to find the telephone on the floor close to us. I quickly dialed 911.

It didn't take long for them to nock down the door and come for us. I could see by their faces that we looked horrible. They took us away, and I couldn't help but let out a sigh. We were leaving that house.

My mother was in a very horrible condition, but so was I. I was sitting with my knees to my chest on my mother's big hospital bed. As it turned out I couldn't move my legs that good and my face was seriuosly messed up, but nothing compared to my mother. She had a tube going down her throat. She had lost so much blood that they were all surprised that she had lived.

Soon the doctor came in and by the look in his face they weren't going to be good news. He pursed his lips and let out a regretful sigh.

"Miss Sawada." He said " You mother is in very critical condition. Not only because of the rape but because she is expecting." It made me tense at the word rape. Thinkin pf that made me queezy.

" What do you mean expecting?" I asked in a shaking voice hoping it wasn't what I was thinking.

"You mother is going to have a baby. I don't now how the baby survived that abuse but the baby did. But the worst part is that your mother lost so much blood that it can't keepp them both alive." I tensed even more. No, he wasn't making me choose was he. He wasn't telling me to choose a life was he. Of course not, he's a doctor. Doctors can save everybody.

My world collasped when he said those venomous words "I sorry but your going to have to choose."


	4. Coming back

**Let me clear something up when I made the doctor say Miss is because Tsuna looks so much like a girl that everyone confuses him with one so that's why he's called miss isntead of mr.**

**It felt like a century as I looked at that man. I couldn't breath. This man was making me choose over my family. This man was making me pick someone to live. I that moment I thought that my life couldn't get more messed up, but was I terribly wrong. My heart stopped the moment I heard those words come out of my mother's mouth.**

**"Doctor, please save my baby."**

**I turned arond quickly to face her. She had the tube in her hand and was gasping for breath. The doctor and I looked at her but differently. My stare was full of dispear and hurt while the doctor's gaze was full ofunderstanding and determination.**

**What could he understand. This doctor was going to kill my mother and he understands. I began to scream and shout. I don't know for how long I did this. I thought they would leave but then I was tackled by a helper and then felt something prick me on my neck. I felt dizzy and soon darkness surrounded me.**

**I don't remember for how long I was unconsious. My head was starting to get clear. The fog in my mind was disappearing. I heard a loud cry and knew that the worst had happened. I got out of the couch and ran to my mother's bed which had the curtain. Ripping the curtains away I saw lots of blood. Blood that belonged to my mother. I ran to her side not even paying attention to the small bundle in the nurse's arms. My mother was the most important thing right now nothing else.**

**My mother was dying but I didn't want to think that. I talked to her. Saying that things would be alright. I got into my mom's way to big bed. Moving away to the far corner afraid that if I touched her she would break. Never had I seen her this fragile. I was petriffied.**

**My mother was breathing her last breaths, but she was still smiling. Instead of being afraid or mad, she was so happy. She called my name and I looked at her. Tears were coming out of her eyes. She knew she was going to die. There was no turning back**

**"Tsu-chan, can you call me mama like you never did? Can you do this favor for me and call me mama?" My mother softly asked. I nodded my head and called her what she wanted. The tears came down her eyes and for once I found myself not able to cry. I just stayed there looking at her as she took her last breath and closed her chocolate eyes.**

**My mother was dead at that time I knew. I knew nothing would be the same. I felt anger. Anger at the rapist. But more anger at my father who wasn't here with her.**

**They would all be coming back tomorrow. All of them happy not knowing what just happened to my delicate mother. My mother that was always kind to everyone.**

**I put my head on my knees and slept. Ignoring the cries of the baby. The baby that was my baby brother. My brother whose name was Asa Sawada. Asa that meant born at dawn. His chocolate tresses, and big eyes that seemed way to big on his premature body. His skin a nice pale and tan.**

**I don't recall how long I was in the hospital with my dead mother. How long I could sleep and ignore the whines of my brother wanting his mother. Soon enough the door was opened and there I saw my family. They were panting heavily, but I didn't care. I looked around to find my father and surprisingly my granfather as well with the Varia.**

**My father moved closer my mother. With hasitated steps as if he thought all of this was a dream. For once I foumd myself loathing everyine in this room. All of them with their sympathy and pity as if they understood what had happened.**

**The anger clogged my throat. They didn't understan anything. They didn't know what happened.**

**The doctor came in with a nurse and explained what happened. When it got to the rape part everyone turned to look at me with wide eyes. Yea, I was raped what are you going to do. I mywanted to yell but kept my head down. The nurse soon gave my father the baby. He was really healthy evrn though he is premature. There is no problem with him.**

**Nothing was wrong with him, but I had just lost eveything.**

**My guardians were trying to get close to me. I could sense that Hayato was trying to make his way towards me, but they didn't come. They might have thought that I would like to be alone. That I just needed to cry alone. For once I was grateful ecause I didn't want anyone to touch me.**

**I just stayed where I was. Even when Lambo, I-pin, and FUta cried out for my mother, I didn't go over to comfort them. The girls tooke care of them, but still they cried.**

**They got out of their holds and made their way to me. I only knew that when I felt three pair of arms hug me. Before I could stop, I stiffened and yelled**

**"DON'T TOUCH ME!"**

**They all seemed shocked and the children looked broken. They let go and went back to where they were. Everyone waited for me to ask for foregiveness, but it never came. I just lowered my head to my knees once more and fell alseep. Wanting to be with my mother until the time came.**


	5. Replacement

**My mother's funeral was small. Barely existing. Yet those few people had the never to cry. They had the never to cry as if they had been there. As if they had seen it. As if they had experienced what she had.**

**Even as I looked at my mother I really couldn't believe she was dead. My mother looked so peaceful. A small smile adorned her face. It looked like she was sleeping. That any moment now she would wake up and everything would go back to the way it was.**

**I cut myself after that. I wasn't the Tsuna people knew anymore. People all looked at me with this pitiful face. It was disgusting. They pitied me and felt sorry for me. Pathetic. So I cut myself. Just like my mother use to do. I knew she did it because it was obvious. The scars she had weren't hidden well. She was a cutter as I am one now too. I think it began when my father left. Really everything was his fault. A person who chose the mafia over his family.**

**The anger I felt for him deepened. He hadn't been there. He hadn't once gone. Reborn had told me he was on a mission. A felt like laughing that moment. Of course, where else would he be.**

**The pain I felt inside was dulled by the pain on my wrists. I wasn't stupid and knew how to keep them covered. I didn't want to make people worry even if I didn't care what people thought about me anymore. They could all go to hell. Me I was already in hell. Although I cut myself, I didn't do drugs. For some reason I didn't find it necessary to do drugs.**

**I knew they were worried about me. I distance myself from everyone. I had become quietier than before. I had given up on everything now. I didn't smile, didn't laugh, didn't talk, shit I didn't even eat that much anymore. I ate enough to keep me alive. Well Reborn threatened me with his gun. I don't understand why I even listen. I should have let him kill me may be just may be it'll make the pain go away.**

**My condition had gotten worse. Nightmares huanted me. I threw up all me food sometime even blood when nothing else was in my stomach. My ribs were showing a bit, but I didn't care. My school grades had gone down a whole lot, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore.**

**I wanted to laugh as Kyoko and Haru gave me sympathy looks. They were all being nicer to me. Like if I was some fragile piece of glass that could break. No one touched me and I was happy. No one got close to me either.**

**Hayato tried to cheer me up. Takeshi tried to get me to talk. Kyoya threatened me to eat. Ryohei tried to get me fired up. Mukuro and Reborn tried to make fun of me. Lambo wanted me to play with him. Even the Varia tried to get me to do something which wouldn't happen.**

**Two months had passed now and I have worsen. I don't eat or sleep much. My hair is way to long. I have really dark bags under my eyes. I still cut myself. But yet people thought that I was getting better. I still couldn't carry my baby brother. He hadn't changed even though he was two months now. Still as small as he was the first day.**

**I wish people would leave me alone.I had also become claustrophobic which only added to the things I had to put up with. Reborn had stopped training me a long time ago. I didn't think my life could get worse until one day my dad came back all smiley.**

**"Tsu-Chan I have a surprise."**

**A tall woman came in. She was pretty. Red long hair and green eyes with freckles. But she wasn't beautiful like my mother.**

**"Say hello to Ana. She is a therapist ."**

**My stomach tightened at that. Did he find out about my cutting. No, he couldn't have. He was never home. Or may be some else had found out. May be I hadn't hidden the bloody knife good enough and someone had found it. Someone found it and had to my dad.**

**"She is also going to be your new mom."**

**I went cold. Everything seemed to freeze. The moment he said those words everything ended. No one moved. They were all too shocked.**

**Two months and now he has a new bitch. Was he that desperate. i didn't know but I knew one thing though.**

**My hate for him grew even deeper**


	6. Famiglia's POV

_Gokudera Hayato's POV_

_It was all my fault. I had left him alone. My boss had been raped. I wasn't there to help him._

_I couldn't do anything. I was so useless. I let down my most precious person. If only I had stayed. If only I had listened to my heart._

_Tsuna didn't like being left alone. I knew he didn't like being left alone. Those emotions were easily seen in his eyes. Yet I still left. I was such a bastard because some part of me wanted for him to try and stop me from leaving, but he never did. Tsuna would never do anything that he thought would be mean. He had thought that I had wanted to go._

_When I had looked back as I went to the entrance of the airplain, my heart broke. He had tears in his eyes, but he wouldn't let them fall. My breath hitched. Did Tsuna know how beautiful he looked with tears on the verge of falling._

_Now those eyes don't show anything at all. Not once did he shed tears. Not even at his mother's funeral. But even though he didn't cry, you could tell that he was broken. There were just no more tears to shed for him._

_I regret not being able to save him._

_It pissed me off more when his father didn't go. Then after two months he comes back but with a new bitch._

_Yamamoto Takeshi's POV_

_Tsuna had been raped. My world froze at that. While we had been in Italy, he had been raped and beaten. Looking at Tsuna's face I couldn' t help but flinch. He had so many bruises on his face and his lips was split. Who ever did this was dead._

_Tsuna hadn't cried at his mother's funeral, but you could tell he was broken. Tsuna wouldn't be the same anymore._

_It had been my fault. If I had stayed with him than may be it wouldn't have happened. May be right now he would still be smiling with his mother. But I left._

_Tsuna didn't like being left alone. I knew he didn't like being left alone. Those emotions were easily seen in his eyes. Yet I still left. I was such a bastard because some part of me wanted for him to try and stop me from leaving, but he never did. Tsuna would never do anything that he thought would be mean. He had thought that I had wanted to go._

_I reget so mmuch not being able to save him._

_Sasagawa Ryohei's POV_

_I feel bad to the extreme._

_Tsuna had been hurt while we were away._

_While we were away training to get strong, he had been hurt. We had left to get stronger so that we could protect him, but he still got hurt. I had left_

_Tsuna didn't like being left alone. I knew he didn't like being left alone. Those emotions were easily seen in his eyes. Yet I still left. I was such a bastard because some part of me wanted for him to try and stop me from leaving, but he never did. Tsuna would never do anything that he thought would be mean. He had thought that I had wanted to go._

_Were we really this weak. Not being able to protect a small kind boy._

_Tsuna hadn't cried at his mother's funeral, but you could tell he was broken. Tsuna wouldn't be the same anymore._

_Tsuna was now different. He didn't laugh or even smile. It was my fault that his world was broken._

_Hibari Kyoya's POV_

_That herbivore had been hurt._

_The worst was that he had been hurt by another herbivore badly._

_His face had so many black bruises and he couldn't walk that well._

_They had humiliated him the worst way possible. By raping him and taking away his mother they had destroyed him._

_It was my fault. If I had just told Testu to guard him than nothing would have happened. I had left him alone._

_Tsuna didn't like being left alone. I knew he didn't like being left alone. Those emotions were easily seen in his eyes. Yet I still left. I was such a bastard because some part of me wanted for him to try and stop me from leaving, but he never did. Tsuna would never do anything that he thought would be mean. He had thought that I had wanted to go._

_Tsuna had gone through so much. He had lost his mother, but still he didn't cry. There were no more tears to shed anymore. They were all gone._

_Rokudo Mukuro POV_

_Little Tsunayoshi-kun had been hurt while we were away._

_Those bastards had chosen the greatest time to strike. They had striked the moment in when Tsunayoshi is at his weakest._

_Not only had they damaged him, but his mother as well. I had left him._

_Tsunayoshi didn't like being left alone. I knew he didn't like being left alone. Those emotions were easily seen in his eyes. Yet I still left. I was such a bastard because some part of me wanted for him to try and stop me from leaving, but he never did. Tsuna would never do anything that he thought would be mean. He had thought that I had wanted to go._

_I should have been more aware. I should have down something to keep him well protected, but didn't. The promise of getting stronger to protect Tsunayoshi had made me foreget everything else._

_I regret what I have down greatly becuase now he isin't the boy he use to be._

_Reborn's POV_

_Baka-Tsuna you went through a lot. Yet you still don't cry. You haven't broken down like I know you want to. You have just given up on everything. Nothing matters to you anymore._

_It had been my fault. I had left you alone._

_Dame-Tsuna didn't like being left alone. I knew he didn't like being left alone. Those emotions were easily seen in his eyes. Yet I still left. I was such a bastard because some part of me wanted for him to try and stop me from leaving, but he never did. Tsuna would never do anything that he thought would be mean. He had thought that I had wanted to go._

_And now we're all suffering from leaving you._

_A broken fragile doll is what you have become. No emotions what so ever are expressed on your face anymore._

_You don't eat anymore either. I had to threaten you. Baka-Tsuna did you think I didn't know what was going through you mind at that time._

_You were think. Go ahead kill me, Reborn I dare you._

_For the first time in my life was I afraid to use my gun on someone becuas I knew you would be expecting it. You wanted to die._

_I had failed you as a teacher, but more importantly as a friend. Someone like you didn't deserve what happened to you._

_I feel that it's my fault. I had brought you into the world of the mafia. how many times you had told me and even screamed that you didn't want anything to do with the mafia, yet I didn't listen._

_I ignored you and this is what happened. Your got hurt._

_I'm so sorry Tsuna. I didn't mean for this to happen. Believe me._

_Tsuna please I beg of you don't lose yourself to darkness. Because you are the angel of light that the Vongola needs._

_Lambo, I-pin, and Fuuta's POV_

_Nonna and Mamma had been hurt._

_Someone had hurt them._

_They doctor also said they were raped._

_What was that._

_We had asked the grown ups, but they would just flinch and say we were to young._

_We weren't stupid. We may have not know what this rape word means, but we knew that they had gotten hurt badly._

_Nonna they say had gone to sleep fore ever. As we said we aren't dumb, we knew she had died because of the men that had hurt her._

_Mamma hadn't cried not once. It kinda made us mad. Why wouldn't she cry. She just lost her mom. But when we looked at his eyes we knew that he didn't need to cry to show just how hurt he was._

_Mamma was broken. He wouldn't smile or laugh or even play with us. He just stayed in his room all the time unless he wanted to take a bath._

_Everyone was worried about Mamma. Hayato, Takeshi, Kyoya, Ryohei, Mukuro, sometimes Dino, the Varia, Colonnello, and Fon would come to visit._

_Reborn was nicer to Mamma. They all tried to cheer him up but it didn't work. It was like if Mamma was already dead. Like if Mamma had died with Nonna._


	7. Chapter 7

**_Italy_, That had been what my father had said. After I graduate from middle school, we would be moving to Italy where the Vongola family was. He had said it was his idea, but I knew better than to believe him. His bitch had gotten him to agree on leaving. How do I know simple because I heard them talking. Saying that it would be better for me to be away from the place my mother got killed. Saying that I would get better if I was in a different atmosphere. If I were with people that could protect me and some place no one new me. A new life for me.**

**Would it be better for me to leave this place? No, it wouldn't. I did not want to leave the place where my mother's body was in. I did not want to leave her alone. I wanted to show her that at least someone loved her, cared for her,still remembered her .**

**It pissed me off seeing them together. Every fucking promise he made to my mother ,Sawada Nana, he was making them come true for the bitch. Every lie he had once told my mother when he came were happening but not for her. They were for someone else. Not only did that anger me, but also how my 'famiglia' took it. They were treating her kindly. They were all nice to her. Calling her my mother as if they had never met my real one. Was my mom that meaningless to all of them. Did she not matter at all.**

**The soft nock on the door made me look up. Foregetting about my bleeding wrist I listened to find out who it was.**

**"Tsu-chan dinner time." Uhh, how I loathed what she called me. No one was ever allowed to call me that except my mother. I put the razor-sharp, bloody knife away and cleaned my wound. Covering it with my long sleeved shirt, I headed down stair ignoring her as she went on and on about moving back to Italy and the wedding.**

**Yes, the wedding. Another thing that made me want to vomit. She had been talking about getting married to my father for a long time that when he purposed none of us were surprised. She was a sly bitch that much I could say. Like a snake waiting for its prey to let its guard down. She is stupid if she thinks I'm going to ever accept her in my life.**

**My bother Asa hasn't changed. One thing for sure is that he doesn't like this bitch either. I still can't find the courage to touch him. For some unstrange reason I feel like its all my fault that he's alone. May be it is, I could have prevented those men from hurting my mother but didn't. I could have saved my mother from dying but didn't. That's the reason why I can't seem to touch my brother. My brother is the only thing left of my mother. The only thing pure that was left of her. I couldn't touch. I can't touch because I fear that somehow I will taint him.**

**Graduation wasn't bad but it wasn't nice either. Not only did most of Vongola come to see their future boss but she came as well. Having the nerve to say that she is my mother. That she was so proud of me. Please, I could see that she was just trying to get favour. Not that I cared because they could all have gone to hell.**

**The move to Italy was alright. I got to see my grandfather again. My room was huge to say the least. A nice pale blue with royal purple. The bed was big enough to fit twenty people. The closets, desk, and drawers were a nice, dark, rich, wooden clour. The chair was a comfy, leather dark brown one. The bathroom had a big tub and a shower stall. It was a nice pale white with small crystals.**

**Their wedding was after a few months that we had been here. It had been huge. The biggest party ever. She had been the center of everyone's attention that is until I got there. People started ignoring her to talk to the Vongola heir. They all wanted to be on his good side. I didn't think it could get worse until I met him. The man that ruined my life. My world fell apart when he was introduced.**

**"Tsu-chan this is your new uncle Alessandro Alberto."**


	8. Chapter 8

I stood there rooted to my spot. My insides froze. I tried to breathe but found I couldn't.

It couldn't be. No it just couldn't. Here standing right in front of me was the man that had ruined my life. There standing in front of me was the man who had killed my mother.

How could this have happened? How could he show his face like this in front of me? How could he be in broad daylight and act like he hadn't destroyed my life in a matter of minutes?

_I'll be seeing you again._ Those words rang in my head. He had known from the beginning that he would see me again. He had known that I could never escape. He had known that he was safe from people trying to get revenge on him. Not because was afraid of him but because I was afraid for my family.

Even though I didn't care about anything my heart could never stop trying to protect those who were important to me.

_My new uncle._ Was I forced to live my life with him? Was I going to have to look at his face all the time? Pretend to accept him as a family member when I hated him so much my blood boiled.

I tried my best not to flinch as he smiled at me and held out his hand. I shook it hesitantly and cringed as his hold tightened on my hand. I could have sworn he broke my bones. That smile that I saw on his lips was not a friendly smile like people thought it was. It was a smirk that said I-finally-found-you or a see-I-told-you-we-would-meet-again smile.

I knew that I was never going to be able to stop shaking in fear.

Narrator POV

Tsuna's family watched from the sidelines as he shook his hand with the strange man. Yea they knew who he was. And they didn't like it one bit as that man touched what wasn't his.

But they didn't have a say in this as Tsuna was never theirs. They truly wondered if they would ever be able to get his forgiveness. It truly hurt that he was isolating himself from everyone. Not just from his new mom or dad but from them too.

It was like if he was saying I hate you or I don't want to look at you. It truly hurt how they couldn't be by his side and watch over him.

Gokudera Hayato

Maybe it was a punishment from the tenth. I know that I deserved it more than anything in the world for what I did to him.

It hurt so much seeing him suffer while his father was having the time of his life. The respect I once had for his father vanished as I saw him with his new bride.

How could he replace such a kind woman like Nana with a woman like her? No one would ever be able to replace her.

I had tried to be friendly to his new wife but found it hard. I couldn't do it. I don't think any of us could treat her like Nana.

My boss, Tsuna, was taking it harder than anything I know. Those bags under his eyes were so dark that I wondered if he even slept at night. His wardrobe changed. No more colorful clothes that made him shine brightly. Now he only wore black long sleeved hoodies and pants that were big on him.

I controlled myself from walking up to him and hugging him to me. Whispering that everything was going to be alright. That he could cry if he wanted to because I was here to protect him.

Yea right, how had that ended up last time? He had trusted me and I broke that trust by leaving him alone. I left him here to experience the agony all alone. He had been all alone as his mother's life vanished.

No one had been there for him. No one had been beside him. I had not been there to give him a shoulder to cry on. I was such a failure. Not only as a right-hand man but most importantly as his best friend. As the man that loved his boss more than anything in the world. That would give up his life just to see him smile once again.

I could do anything right and now I was paying the consequences for all of that. Just looking at myself in the mirror made me want to hurt myself. I was a truly despicable person.


	9. Chapter 9

I stood there rooted to my spot. My insides froze. I tried to breathe but found I couldn't.

It couldn't be. No it just couldn't. Here standing right in front of me was the man that had ruined my life. There standing in front of me was the man who had killed my mother.

How could this have happened? How could he show his face like this in front of me? How could he be in broad daylight and act like he hadn't destroyed my life in a matter of minutes?

_I'll be seeing you again._ Those words rang in my head. He had known from the beginning that he would see me again. He had known that I could never escape. He had known that he was safe from people trying to get revenge on him. Not because was afraid of him but because I was afraid for my family.

Even though I didn't care about anything my heart could never stop trying to protect those who were important to me.

_My new uncle._ Was I forced to live my life with him? Was I going to have to look at his face all the time? Pretend to accept him as a family member when I hated him so much my blood boiled.

I tried my best not to flinch as he smiled at me and held out his hand. I shook it hesitantly and cringed as his hold tightened on my hand. I could have sworn he broke my bones. That smile that I saw on his lips was not a friendly smile like people thought it was. It was a smirk that said I-finally-found-you or a see-I-told-you-we-would-meet-again smile.

I knew that I was never going to be able to stop shaking in fear.

Narrator POV

Tsuna's family watched from the sidelines as he shook his hand with the strange man. Yea they knew who he was. And they didn't like it one bit as that man touched what wasn't his.

But they didn't have a say in this as Tsuna was never theirs. They truly wondered if they would ever be able to get his forgiveness. It truly hurt that he was isolating himself from everyone. Not just from his new mom or dad but from them too.

It was like if he was saying I hate you or I don't want to look at you. It truly hurt how they couldn't be by his side and watch over him.

Gokudera Hayato

Maybe it was a punishment from the tenth. I know that I deserved it more than anything in the world for what I did to him.

It hurt so much seeing him suffer while his father was having the time of his life. The respect I once had for his father vanished as I saw him with his new bride.

How could he replace such a kind woman like Nana with a woman like her? No one would ever be able to replace her.

I had tried to be friendly to his new wife but found it hard. I couldn't do it. I don't think any of us could treat her like Nana.

My boss, Tsuna, was taking it harder than anything I know. Those bags under his eyes were so dark that I wondered if he even slept at night. His wardrobe changed. No more colorful clothes that made him shine brightly. Now he only wore black long sleeved hoodies and pants that were big on him.

I controlled myself from walking up to him and hugging him to me. Whispering that everything was going to be alright. That he could cry if he wanted to because I was here to protect him.

Yea right, how had that ended up last time? He had trusted me and I broke that trust by leaving him alone. I left him here to experience the agony all alone. He had been all alone as his mother's life vanished.

No one had been there for him. No one had been beside him. I had not been there to give him a shoulder to cry on. I was such a failure. Not only as a right-hand man but most importantly as his best friend. As the man that loved his boss more than anything in the world. That would give up his life just to see him smile once again.

I couldn't do anything right and now I was paying the consequences for all of that. Just looking at myself in the mirror made me want to hurt myself. I was a truly despicable person.

Tsuna, please forgive me.

Yamamoto Takeshi

As I looked at the person I loved I couldn't help but want to scream. Was this the punishment that I diserve for leaving him all alone. How heartless could I be. Tsuna, my boss, that had saved me from taking my own life I couldn't protect him.

I was just so weak. He had saved me so many times and yet the moment that he had needed me the most I wasn't there for him. This is what I diserve.

Tsuna won't even look at me in the face nymore. I guess I messes up big time. As it goes three strikes and your out.

I wasn't able to help him in the future fight Byakuran. I wasn't able to stop him from killing himself in the future. And I had been powerless to stop him from hurting the worst possible way ever. Some friend I turned out to be. Not being able to protect the person that ment the world to me.

Would you ever be able to forgive me Tsuna. Will you ever grace me with your smile again or even a simple nod that lets me know that you know I'm still here. Will you ever aknowledge my existence even if it's just a few seconds.

I want to be at your side again. Being able to laugh and talk like we use to. Like when we use to be bestfriends. Do you remember those days Tsuna. When we use to sleep over each others house and stay up until dark. When we would always be there for each other no matter what. Do you still remember those days Tsuna. When you use to laugh and when your face would light up every time you were happy.

I remember. You were easy to read a long time ago. It seems like centuries since I have talked to you or seen your laugh even though it had been a few months.

A few months that completely distroyed your whole life.

I sorry Tusna, Please foregive me.

Reborn

I really am a complete idiot aren't I Tsuna.

If only I had never left you alone. If only I had made sure that there was nothing that would get to you. If only I had just stayed with you or brought you with us. If only I could turn back in time to make sure noth of this happened. But I can't.

You must have been in a lot of pain. You had never been good with pain and even I took pity of you. I didn't hit you as I would have hit anyone else. I went easy on you even though I should have never done so.

When I look at you the first thing I notice is just how skinny you have gotten adn the bags under your eyes. I wonder if your just waiting for the perfect time to kill yourself but get rid of that thought emedialty because you don't like pain.

This man that's standing right in front of you is the first person you have communicated in any way with for months. You don't even talk to the little brats that miss you desperiatly. Do you know that we're suffering just like you. That just seeing you like this makes us regret everything.

I regret ever bringing you into this world. May be if I hade declined being your tutor nothing would have happened. You would have still had your happy, peaceful life before any of this happened.

I can see that the ninth is also suffering quite a lot. He had not been able to protect the person that he saw as a gradson. Your guardians aren't being nice themselves. They blame themslves for all of this as I do. They train and hurt each other. Hopinh that with that it will ease yyour suffering even if it's just a smig.

For the first time in my life I am truly sorry of ever hurting you Tsuna.


	10. Chapter 10

I stood there rooted to my spot. My insides froze. I tried to breathe but found I couldn't.

It couldn't be. No it just couldn't. Here standing right in front of me was the man that had ruined my life. There standing in front of me was the man who had killed my mother.

How could this have happened? How could he show his face like this in front of me? How could he be in broad daylight and act like he hadn't destroyed my life in a matter of minutes?

_I'll be seeing you again._ Those words rang in my head. He had known from the beginning that he would see me again. He had known that I could never escape. He had known that he was safe from people trying to get revenge on him. Not because I was afraid of him but because I was afraid for my family.

Even though I didn't care about anything my heart could never stop trying to protect those who were important to me.

_My new uncle._ Was I forced to live my life with him? Was I going to have to look at his face all the time? Pretend to accept him as a family member when I hated him so much my blood boiled.

I tried my best not to flinch as he smiled at me and held out his hand. I shook it hesitantly and cringed as his hold tightened on my hand. I could have sworn he broke my bones. That smile that I saw on his lips was not a friendly smile like people thought it was. It was a smirk that said I-finally-found-you or a see-I-told-you-we-would-meet-again smile.

I knew that I was never going to be able to stop shaking in fear.

Narrator POV

Tsuna's family watched from the sidelines as he shook his hand with the strange man. Yea they knew who he was. And they didn't like it one bit as that man touch what wasn't his.

But they didn't have a say in this as Tsuna was never theirs. They truly wondered if they would ever be able to get his forgiveness. It truly hurt that he was isolating himself from everyone. Not just from his new mom or dad but from them too.

It was like if he was saying I hate you or I don't want to look at you. It truly hurt how they couldn't be by his side and watch over him.

Gokudera Hayato

Maybe it was a punishment from the tenth. I know that I deserved it more than anything in the world for what I did to him.

It hurt so much seeing him suffer while his father was having the time of his life. The respect I once had for his father vanished as I saw him with his new bride.

How could he replace such a kind woman like Nana with a woman like her? No one would ever be able to replace her.

I had tried to be friendly to his new wife but found it hard. I couldn't do it. I don't think any of us could treat her like Nana.

My boss, Tsuna, was taking it harder than anything I know. Those bags under his eyes were so dark that I wondered if he even slept at night. His wardrobe changed. No more colorful clothes that made him shine brightly. Now he only wore black long sleeved hoodies and pants that were big on him.

I controlled myself from walking up to him and hugging him to me. Whispering that everything was going to be alright. That he could cry if he wanted to because I was here to protect him.

Yea right, how had that ended up last time? He had trusted me and I broke that trust by leaving him alone. I left him here to experience the agony all alone. He had been all alone as his mother's life vanished.

No one had been there for him. No one had been beside him. I had not been there to give him a shoulder to cry on. I was such a failure. Not only as a right-hand man but most importantly as his best friend. As the man that loved his boss more than anything in the world. That would give up his life just to see him smile once again.

I couldn't do anything right and now I was paying the consequences for all of that. Just looking at myself in the mirror made me want to hurt myself. I was a truly despicable person.

Tsuna, please forgive me.

Yamamoto Takeshi

As I looked at the person I loved I couldn't help but want to scream. Was this the punishment that I deserve for leaving him all alone? How heartless could I be? Tsuna, my boss, that had saved me from taking my own life I couldn't protect him.

I was just so weak. He had saved me so many times and yet the moment that he had needed me the most I wasn't there for him. This is what I deserve.

Tsuna won't even look at me in the face anymore. I guess I messed up big time. As it goes three strikes and you're out.

I wasn't able to help him in the future fight Byakuran. I wasn't able to stop him from killing himself in the future. And I had been powerless to stop him from hurting the worst possible way ever. Some friend I turned out to be. Not being able to protect the person that meant the world to me.

Would you ever be able to forgive me Tsuna? Will you ever grace me with your smile again or even a simple nod that lets me know that you know I'm still here. Will you ever acknowledge my existence even if it's just a few seconds?

I want to be at your side again. Being able to laugh and talk like we use to. Like when we use to be best friends. Do you remember those days Tsuna? When we use to sleep over each other's house and stay up until dark. When we would always be there for each other no matter what. Do you still remember those days Tsuna? When you use to laugh and when your face would light up every time you were happy.

I remember. You were easy to read a long time ago. It seems like centuries since I have talked to you or seen your laugh even though it had been a few months.

A few months that completely destroyed your whole life.

I sorry Tsuna, Please forgive me.

Reborn

I really am a complete idiot aren't I Tsuna.

If only I had never left you alone. If only I had made sure that there was nothing that would get to you. If only I had just stayed with you or brought you with us. If only I could turn back in time to make sure nothing of this happened. But I can't.

You must have been in a lot of pain. You had never been good with pain and even I took pity of you. I didn't hit you as I would have hit anyone else. I went easy on you even though I should have never done so.

When I look at you the first thing I notice is just how skinny you have gotten and the bags under your eyes. I wonder if you're just waiting for the perfect time to kill yourself but get rid of that thought swiftly because you don't like pain.

This man that's standing right in front of you is the first person you have communicated in any way with for months. You don't even talk to the little brats that miss you desperately. Do you know that we're suffering just like you? That just seeing you like this makes us regret everything.

I regret ever bringing you into this world. May be if I had declined being your tutor nothing would have happened. You would have still had your happy, peaceful life before any of this happened.

I can see that the ninth is also suffering quite a lot. He had not been able to protect the person that he saw as a grandson. Your guardians aren't being nice themselves. They blame themselves for all of this as I do. They train and hurt each other. Hoping that with that it will ease your suffering even if it's just a smile.

For the first time in my life I am truly sorry of ever hurting you Tsuna.


End file.
